I knew I wanted a story - however minuscule it was - to be told before the camera, in the moment. Paul Wolffram's first feature documentary Stori Tumbuna had completely taken me by the sinister way it unfurled; the beauty of Samsara was one of my first thoughts when the genre was invoked. I've done a few 'documentaries' before, as a film student does, but I was always terrified of making something that looked like it belonged on news television. Me, We was a poetic/reflexive documentary before I even knew what that was; This is Not a Video Essay was probably a video essay; and I've cut a considerable number of montage-style memories.
Think of the way that Casting JonBenet turned a mystery from twenty-five years ago into a story of ambition, perception, and folklore, right before the camera. Or, the way that The Act of Killing reinvents the Indonesian mass-killings through transferring auterial control. It was clear, in any case, that we could not make anything anywhere near as traumatic: ethical considerations were at the forefront of our mind, and we met with Eva and to discuss at great length what she felt comfortable with. I was interested in the story she felt had to be told.
There was something about the ambiguity of the condition - the contrasts in information of medical professionals - its invisibility and varying severity. She painted the experience itself in the clearest picture.
Shay Lomas (my co-creator) had known about Eva's past for a while. There was a lot to unpack, and I think for Shay it was difficult to be inquisitive from such a close standpoint. Often subjects have been asked many of the obvious questions before, and have had time to consider their answer. Shay and I entered with these questions, but I wanted to respond to her answers in an extremely naturalistic way. When something comes into your head, ask: when it's something Eva never thought about before, you see her thoughts and memories play in real-time. These are the key moments, contextualized with exposition, that the documentary is built upon.
I think Eva has recovered remarkably. She looks incredibly strong. In our pursuit of narrative, her resolve confronted us.